Boys to Men: Teaching and Learning About Masculinity in an Age of Change

One term that comes up often in discussion of gender and, especially, what it means to be a man, is “toxic masculinity.” But as Colleen Clemens writes in Teaching Tolerance, “‘Toxic masculinity’ is tricky. It’s a phrase that — misunderstood — can seem wildly insulting, even bigoted.”

The Good Men Project defines it this way:

Toxic masculinity is a narrow and repressive description of manhood, designating manhood as defined by violence, sex, status and aggression. It’s the cultural ideal of manliness, where strength is everything while emotions are a weakness; where sex and brutality are yardsticks by which men are measured, while supposedly “feminine” traits — which can range from emotional vulnerability to simply not being hypersexual — are the means by which your status as “man” can be taken away.

It is crucial, however, that students understand some key ideas:

• Talking about toxic masculinity is not about vilifying boys, men or any of the particular qualities society has deemed “masculine.” Rather, it is an opportunity to begin to reconstruct a more positive model of masculinity that makes room for the many different ways to be a boy or man and allows all individuals to feel secure in their masculine identity.

Michael Ian Black sums up this sentiment in a response to a reader comment on his Op-Ed, “The Boys Are Not All Right”:

Mr. Florentino: I cried as I read this. My son — a high school and college wrestler who achieved much success on the mat — is one of the most sensitive souls I know. But far too often, I cheered his masculinity, his fierceness, and his muscles. I should have been cheering his kindness, his empathy, and his innate ability to be gentle. Those emotional qualities are what REALLY make him strong.

MIB: I am very interested in a fuller expression of male strength. Physical strength is great (I wish I had more of it, because I would like, for once in my life, to look good shirtless on a beach). But a man’s strength can be expressed in innumerable ways, including the strength to be vulnerable, the strength to ask for help, to seek forgiveness, to display empathy. By all means, root for your son, but root for his entire being. It sounds like you’re doing that.

• Toxic masculinity is not just a men’s issue — its consequences are pervasive and affect everyone, including girls and women. Also, girls, boys, women and men all make choices about their behavior that can either perpetuate a culture of toxic masculinity or disrupt it. (And, of course, “toxic femininity” is its corollary.)

To further explore this phrase, students might complete a Frayer model, including the definition, characteristics, examples and nonexamples of toxic masculinity. You can also see how it has been used in New York Times articles.

After defining the term, show students this three-minute trailer of the documentary “The Mask You Live In” by the Representation Project. As they watch, they might continue to add to their Frayer models. (Note to teachers: This clip includes some profanity and graphic language. Please preview it to make sure it is appropriate for your students.)