How Masculinity Is Changing, According to 18 Powerful Voices
Hello, the men. My advice on modern masculinity would be to look at all those traits you believe are feminine and interrogate why you are so obsessed with being the opposite. Because this idea that to be a man you have to be the furthest away from being a woman that you possibly can is really weird.
Why is everyone so scared of not being masculine? If you consider many of those in power, those who claim to be “leading” the world at the moment, you’ve got a lot of hypermasculine man-babies, with terrible hair and no ability to compromise. These are the cool guys who are taking us all to hell in a handbasket they didn’t pay for.
So here’s a thought experiment: What if you, the men, looked to traditional feminine traits and tried incorporating them into your masculinity?
Women are always being encouraged to stir masculine traits into their feminine recipe. We are told to “be bolder!” “Speak up in meetings.” “Exaggerate your skills.” All that Lean In sort of crap. So perhaps it’s time for you, the men, to be more ladylike. How about you scale back on your confidence? How about you try not to act in every situation? What if you tried to refrain from sharing your opinions or co-opting other people’s ideas? How about yielding to people walking in the opposite direction? Or even just attempting to see them?
How about you try pretending that you’re the least powerful person in any room, and that no matter how hard you work you’ll never be the most powerful. Walk around like that for a couple weeks. And then call your mother.
This is the first time that straight white cis men have been forced to think of themselves as anything other than human neutral. And that must be a difficult thing. And I don’t say that to be sarcastic. I can see how it is a tough spot. It is not your fault. You didn’t build this mess. You were born into it, like the rest of us. What I am saying is, I have empathy for you. And empathy, by the way, is one of the traits that women are most famous for. You might know it by its other name: “weakness.” But don’t be fooled—empathy is a superpower, and it’s the only one that any human has to offer.—As told to Nora Caplan-Bricker
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EJ Johnson on…The Joys of the Male Beauty Movement
EJ Johnson is a television personality who, by embracing traditionally feminine clothing and cosmetics, is helping broaden mainstream ideas about style.
GQ: Your father, Magic Johnson, represents a kind of traditional masculinity. How did you navigate your own ideas while having him as a dad?
EJ Johnson: I always knew that I was never going to be that type of man in that hypermasculine type of world. That was never going to be the tea for me. My dad is an incredible man, though, and the fact that he put all the comments and judgments aside to be like, I’m going to let this kid be free because I love him—that’s the greatest gift he ever gave me.
What’s the biggest change in the way we talk about male beauty today?
When I started experimenting, in 2010, it wasn’t talked about. It’s cool to see it become less stigmatized. I’ve always had an affinity for expressing myself in feminine ways. When I was growing up, it was something I was told to hide. Now I’m a much happier person, and more successful, when I’m expressing myself with my feminine energy.
What would you say to men who’ve never considered wearing makeup?
The takeaway is, if you see someone doing something you’ve never seen before, that shouldn’t be weird. It may not be for you, but don’t demonize it. Don’t diminish that shine.
A version of this story originally appeared in the November 2019 issue with the title “Voices of the New Masculinity.”
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