Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence
Key Takeaways
- People with low emotional intelligence often have unexpected emotional outbursts that seem overblown and uncontrollable.
- They tend to blame others for their problems rather than taking responsibility for their actions.
You may know someone who never seems to be able to control their emotions or understand the feelings of others. Perhaps they are constantly doing or saying the wrong things, at the wrong time. Or maybe they’re always judging others, but have a hard time accepting criticism. If this describes someone you know, chances are high that this person struggles with low emotional intelligence.
Low emotional intelligence refers to the inability to accurately perceive emotions (in yourself and others) and use that information to guide one’s thinking and actions.
Emotional intelligence (sometimes referred to as “emotional quotient” or “EQ”) is essential to basically every aspect of life. In fact, many experts now believe that EQ may actually be more important than IQ in determining overall success in life. As such, having low EQ or low emotional intelligence can negatively impact not only your interpersonal relationships but also your mental and physical health.
When someone has a low EQ, it can present itself in many ways. Below are nine classic signs of people with low emotional intelligence.
They Always Have to Be ‘Right’
You probably know someone who always seems to get into arguments with others. Friends, family, co-workers, and even random strangers find themselves embroiled in disputes with these argumentative individuals.
People with low EQ will often argue a point to death while refusing to listen to what anyone else has to say. Even if you provide them with proof that they are wrong, they will argue that your facts are wrong.
They must win at all costs and find it impossible to simply “agree to disagree.” This is particularly true if others criticize the individual for not understanding what others are feeling.
They’re Oblivious to Other People’s Feelings
Many people with low EQ are seemingly oblivious to other’s feelings. They may be genuinely surprised that their partner is angry at them or that their co-workers don’t like them.
Not only that, but they get annoyed when others expect them to know how they are feeling.
This can make social interactions confusing and frustrating. Understanding the emotional experiences of others is important when it comes to responding and interacting in meaningful ways. Empathy allows us to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes and feel how they might be feeling. The inability to consider other people’s feelings can lead to conflicts, misunderstandings, and a lack of authentic connections with others.
They Behave Insensitively
For the most part, people with low EQ don’t know the right thing to say. They may also fail to comprehend appropriate versus inappropriate timing of saying things.
For example, they might say something insensitive at a funeral or make a joke right after a tragic event. If you react to their out-of-line response, they then act as if you’re being overly sensitive.
Because they have difficulty understanding the emotions of others, it’s no surprise that they are unable to interpret and appropriately respond to the emotional tone and atmosphere.
It’s important to remember that not everyone who seems insensitive in social situations has low EQ. People who are neurodivergent, socially anxious, awkward, or have limited social experience can also struggle with the common “rules” of social engagement.
They Blame Others for Their Problems
People with low EQ have little insight into how their emotions might lead to problems. The one thing a person with low emotional intelligence won’t do is hold themselves accountable for their actions.
When something goes wrong, their first reaction is to find someone or something else to blame. They might suggest that they had no other choice for what they did and that others simply don’t understand their situation.
For example, if they read through your texts, it’s your fault for leaving your phone unlocked. If they fail an assignment, break a window, don’t get the job, or burn dinner, somehow, someway they will make it someone else’s fault.
They Have Poor Coping Skills
An inability to cope with emotionally-charged situations can be an indicator of low EQ. Strong emotions, whether their own or those of others, are difficult to comprehend for those with low emotional intelligence.
People with low EQ have poor coping skills because they:
- Struggle to identify emotions: Besides having difficulty understanding what others are feeling, people with low emotional intelligence also struggle to understand their own emotional experiences. Because they often don’t recognize what they are feeling, it is more difficult to develop effective ways to manage those feelings.
- Have poor emotional regulation skills: Emotional regulation refers to the ability to manage and control one’s emotions. When faced with strong feelings (that they may not understand), people may have a hard time managing these experiences. This can lead to strong emotional outbursts, impulsivity, and ineffective coping behaviors.
- Experience social isolation: Lower emotional intelligence can also contribute to poor relationships and social isolation. Social support is essential for coping with stress, so a lack of support can make it much harder to cope.
When faced with emotionally charged situations, people with a low EQ often walk away from these situations to avoid dealing with the emotional fallout. Hiding their true emotions is also very common.
They Have Emotional Outbursts
The ability to regulate emotions is one of the components of emotional intelligence. People with low EQ often struggle to understand and control their emotions. They might lash out reactively without understanding what they are really feeling or why they are so upset.
A person who lacks EQ might also have unexpected emotional outbursts that seem overblown and uncontrollable. The smallest things set them off into a tirade that can last for minutes, even hours.
They Struggle With Relationships
People with low EQ often have very few close friends. Close friendships require a mutual give-and-take, sharing of emotions, compassion, and emotional support, all characteristics low-EQ individuals typically lack. Instead, people with low EQ often come off as abrasive and unfeeling.
This can have a reverberating effect on other areas of their lives. Because they struggle to maintain quality relationships, they are more likely to experience social isolation. Their weak social support networks mean they lack the support they need when facing stressful situations. Ultimately, this can have a devastating impact on a person’s psychological and physical well-being.
They Turn Conversations Toward Themselves
Emotionally unintelligent people tend to dominate the conversation. Even if they are asking questions and appear to be listening intently, they always find a way to shift everything back to them. Usually, they have to prove that whatever you’re experiencing, they’ve had it better or worse.
No matter what you say, they’ve been there and done that. You’ve been in a car accident? They have too…and their dog died. Going to climb Mount Kilimanjaro? They climbed Mount Everest four years ago. They can send you a list of tips if you want!
They are constantly trying to one-up you. It can be a frustrating and emotionally invalidating experience.
It’s important to remember that the tendency to respond to you by sharing your own experiences isn’t always a sign of poor emotional intelligence. Sometimes, people engage in this type of response to show that they do empathize with you and care about your experiences. That’s why it is important to consider a person’s entire range of behaviors rather than just focusing on a single one in isolation.
Try Our Emotional Intelligence Test
Our fast and free EQ test can help you determine whether or not your responses to certain situations in life indicate a high level of emotional intelligence:
This EQ test was reviewed by Steven Gans, MD.
Low emotional intelligence can cause problems in many areas of your life. Fortunately, there are things you can do to increase your emotional intelligence. Sharpening your skills can improve your personal and professional relationships.
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